Assalammualaikum
I just feels like to write manglish today. Eventhough i'm not that good in english, but i just want to.
there's something disturbing my heart, head and so on last night. after a deep thinking still i couldnt find the right solution or explanation to this, so-called, problem.
last few weeks, we often take amir late...sometimes 8pm...true, i do feel unease about this, but everyday i have to wait for hubby. And his nature of work, always have meeting here and there, and as we all knows, in the evening the traffic always run 'smooth'ly. Yeah. So if he lates and so am i..And we both late for amir. Pity my baby..we're sorry.
Where's my lovely little kancil? Yeah, i have my sister-in-law staying together in our house. Pity her, doesnt have transport to go to work. Let her rent my car. She goes to work early and come back late at night. So, she is out of this story. But see, its all coming up in my flow of thinking upon this problem. I dont have car to drive. (stay nicely in that purse eh license).
I can ask my colleague to sent me home. But see, everybody have their own time and problem, so of course that 's the last choice i had right? Now, seems like the last choice have to be the ultimate choice. Why?
Now we're entering the best part. Last night (yeah night, 8.45pm) we fetch amir. Because hubby have to go to singapore today, so yesterday he have to change money, all that stuff. He had informed our baby sitter, kak A. And later on his battery dead. That has its own relief somehow.
We fetch amir, and she's talking about amir is not so well that day, that he's crying quite non-stop, he's only drink 3 bottle, didnt even finish the last bottle (usually he drinks about 5-6 bottles per day). She shows how she have to constantly rock him (how she shows is quite 'brutal'), but i didnt think of anything. Then she said, 'if late till 6-7 can, i have many works at night.' I was like, okay kak....Hubby didnt hear that.
When we come home, everything was normal until hubby charged his handset. He got 1 stunning message.
"kalu tiap2 hari lambat macamni akak mintak bayar lebih nanti marah kamu janji macammana"...
cool. silent. More to surprised actually. We know and we admit our neglectful, but somehow the sentence feels so sharp. we can say something like, kalau boleh lepas ni jangan la lambat dah, or, akak ingat nak tambahkan yuran sebab selalu lambat....i mean, nicer word.
Just before everything happen, yes, we thought of rising the fees ourselves. 250 to 270. It even enters my dream. Now, we still will increase the fees to 270. But the feelings is different.
Hubby feels so upset. He is actually quite a temper person and happen to be him that get the sms. So be it. He said fine, if the deals are all about business, then he cant see their family as ours anymore. No feels attached.
Then we both lie down, couldnt sleep. But after half an hour off he goes...krooh...hehe...so i'm alone.
Forth and back. Really couldnt sleep. Too many things struggling, dancing in my head. Find the problem, search the solution. Built the barrier. For that hubby can do what he said, just treat them as business partner, sort of. Me? No i cant. I have to face them like nothing happen. They rise our precious baby. How i can i give that cold shoulder?
Clock's ticking, showing 1 am. Hubby are going to Singapore today at 5.30. After doing what i have to do, i force this eyes to shut, around 1.30. Then i awake. it just 4am .Quite early. Give amir nenen. And at the morning, climbing that 5th floor of stairs, handed amir like nothing happen.
Yes we have our solutions. Increase fees, time discipline, have to burden my colleague every 5.30pm and so on. But the moral value? we have enter time and place where all that matters is money....
May Allah guide us...keeping our feet in the right path...and may Allah protect amir from all the bad things and things that surround it....May Allah give us strength in facing, in living in this today's world of do-what-you-want-to-do-and-dont-bother-anyone-else....
........
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